Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
