i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
