Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
did you just send me my own nude
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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