I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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