Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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