i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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