Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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