Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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