talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
