Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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