I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i came on her dog
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
