i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
