I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Randomize
