guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
