Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
