But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
