I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't make out with my wife yet
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
