Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
