can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it penis luge time yet?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
