I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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