So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
