Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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