You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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