Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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