as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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