she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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