oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
