Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
