just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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