i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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