I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
