rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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