Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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