So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
