i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
