Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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