I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
