Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
cat food counts as protein by the way
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
