i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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