I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize