I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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