If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
