drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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