Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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