I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
did i walk over a car last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You pole danced in your parka.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
