sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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