i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
