love makes seman taste better
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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