This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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