Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
