You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
