Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
