So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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