I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
