Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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