dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
