You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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