Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
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So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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