I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
