Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
