he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's always time for handjobs
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
