the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
