When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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