Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
