Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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