It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
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The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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