Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize