My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
