I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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