we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
