some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
