Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
