Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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