I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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