I just threw up on my dentist
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
