i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
